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  • Nikky

How to like someone when you can't stand them?

When it comes to people, the principle that " What you feel is what you attract" holds true every single time.

If you are struggling to get along with some one who you just can't tolerate then this post will be helpful to you.

Most of the times you are in such a situation because you either are working with that person or they are part of your family and you have no choice but to try to get along with them even though you feel there is not much to like about them.

As a deliberate creator you know that when you don't like someone in your thoughts and then subsequent feelings, then, without a question you also have to acknowledge that the person in question will KNOW how you feel.

Now if you want to improve how you feel in your present moments and find a way to get along with this person then you have to change how you feel about them first.

In other words if you want the other person to behave differently with you then you will have to first change your vibration ( Thoughts and feelings) towards them.

You see it is what you think of them that activates that part of them that you don't like.

Have you ever noticed that that same person might appear friendly , loving and supportive to another person but not to you. This happens because you activate in your vibration that version of them which is unpleasant and difficult to be around.

In my own personal experience with a family member, I have had very pleasant interactions as well as traumatic ones and each time I can trace it back to the story I have consciously or unconsciously built about them prior to our interaction.

So here is what you can do as a deliberate creator of your life experience to improve your relationship with someone you do not get along with.

  1. Start by sitting down and making a list of positive aspects about that person. Make it as long and as detailed as possible. I know it might be tough for you to even come up with a few positive things and that is just because you might have tended to the opposite vibration of not liking them for a long time. This exercise is worth the effort that it requires. And your motivation is a better relationship with that person. Remember everyone has some qualities that you can appreciate.

  2. Empathize with that person - I know you must be saying, really, you must be joking if you expect me to empathize with the person who has traumatized or caused you so much stress. But hear me out, when you think of the person beyond the experience you have had with them, then you will know that for them to become who they are now there must be a lot of unwanted life experiences that they must have gone through. It is not to excuse their unpleasant behavior but to humanize their attempt to survive their own life experience. Infact every person who I have ever come across who is unregulated and unpleasant in their behavior is someone who doesn't love and accept themselves or part of themselves and are hurting in someway. You just don't know their life story.

  3. Send them love - This can be as healing for you as much as it will be beneficial for your relationship with them. You could send them love without even doing anything different in your behaviour. There is an ancient Hawaiian technique that I swear by and have experienced amazing results with personally and with my clients and it is called Ho'oponopono. It is a practice of reconciliation and forgiveness. It entails you taking the persons name in the following four sentences and saying it as many times as you can. You do not have to say it to the person. You can just say it out to them without their presence. The four very powerful, reality bending statements are

  • Thank you .....

  • I am sorry .....

  • Please forgive me .....

  • I love you .....

  • You can read more about it in the book " Zero limits " written by Ihaleakala Hew Len and Joe Vitale

  1. Take responsibility for your experience - Chances are you either have come across behaviour like this person is displaying before in more than one person or that this person has been in your life for a long time like a parent and you are chronically habituated to a certain pattern of thoughts and emotions regarding this person. Either ways what you think and feel about them is what you attract. So question yourself and ask " What is active in my vibration when I think of this person?". Use tools like meditation, journaling, Ho'oponopono and self talk to activate more positive vibes towards this person. The reason I do not encourage removing yourself from having ever to interact with this person as a solution is because you carry your vibration whereever you go so you are bound to come across someone else who triggers you in the same way.

  2. Identify your triggers - What about this persons behavior triggers you? What can you learn about yourself when you observe your reaction to their behavior? What do the feelings that come up in you reveal about you ? These questions can guide you to identify what you need to heal and release in yourself that is causing you to attract this unpleasant experience.

I invite you to get deliberate about how you feel and think about this person. I know the result will surprise and delight you in unexpected ways.

If you need more support while you align yourself to what you want, please reach out to me at

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