A big part of my spiritual and emotional journey has been to heal my inner child. Often I will talk to people and observe how what they experienced as a child shapes them as adults. The way you perceive the world, your relationships and most importantly yourself is largely dependent on the beliefs and experiences you have had as a child.
The most important relationship in our lives is with ourselves.
And a big part of nurturing this relationship is to heal the child version of you that is still within you.
If as a child you felt any amount of neglect, abuse, lack of love or appreciation and bullying then healing your inner child is crucial to your well being as an adult.
The interesting thing is that this traumatized inner child can reside within you for decades without you noticing the symptoms of your wounded self-projecting into your present life, be it in your relationship with your partner, children, money or your health.
You see until we acknowledge that our current triggers, unmet needs, thought and behavior patterns are linked to what we have experienced as a child, we are unable to break through these self sabotaging vibrations.
So the big question is how do we heal our inner child?
Here are the steps I personally used and recommend you take to heal your child self.
Write a letter to your inner child - A great way to connect with your child self is to write a heartfelt letter to him/her. In this letter, you should introduce yourself as the adult who now can help this inner child heal. You should acknowledge her and remind her she is loved, safe and whole now. Tell her that you ( the adult) know how to have healthy boundaries around yourself to make your child self feel safe. Tell her that you will always be there for her. Tell her that you will speak to her with love, kindness and appreciation for she is special. Pour your heart out in this letter filling the pages with what your child self wanted so badly to hear from your primary carers. ( If you are doing this for the first time, it might feel a bit weird or might bring up a lot of suppressed emotions, but I urge you to stick with it)
Mirror work - Next stand in front of a mirror, look into your eyes and in your minds eye imagine you are looking into your child self's eyes. Now remind her once more by revisiting any old memory and wound from the past that left you feeling vulnerable, unloved or unappreciated. Acknowledge this incident and release the pain accompanied with it by telling your child self that she is safe now and that you have her back. Do this mirror exercise often until you can feel relief from the traumas you faced as a child. And remember not all traumas are big loud obvious ones. Some are buried deep within us and could have been caused with what your rational mind might refer to as " Not a big deal".
Awareness - The third step is to build awareness around how your present emotional journey has links to how your child self felt while growing up. So next time you feel overwhelmed, stressed, vulnerable, unloved or unappreciated observe how you talk to yourself. The way we deal with these feelings as they come up and the words we use to soothe ourselves are reflective of how our child self was treated. So be extra kind to yourself. Consciously appreciate yourself. Give yourself the love that you want more of from others. Doing this will not only make you feel better now but also help your inner child feel safe and loved. It will also improve your point of attraction which in turn will line up all the good stuff in your life.
Responsibility - The cornerstone of any healing is to take responsibility for how you are feeling as an adult now in your present moment. What has happened in the past cannot be undone? And staying in the victim mode is not helpful for you or your inner child. Infact, your inner child is desperate for you to step up and take responsibility for how you feel now. When you assure your inner child that you know how to treat yourself well, how to eliminate toxicity from your life and how to move from negative emotions towards positive ones then that helps your inner child release the pain from her past experiences. You need to step up and parent your inner child now so that you as a whole, complete and healed person can move forward to live the best life that you deserve.
I know this inner work can be emotional and heavy to do. But on the other side of doing this inner work is relief, liberation and lightness that will move you towards joy and love.
Please reach out to me at nikky@happydayscoaching.com for any support or guidance or just to bounce off ideas and thoughts.